My photo
Pittsburgh, United States
35 Y/O wife to Tim and mom to Emma,Noah,Caleb, Stella and 2 babies in Heaven.Trying to walk in the path of the Lord and carrying my family with me. I love our 1902 home we purchased more 10 years ago. It is constantly evolving and goes through whatever changes my little heart desires. I love vintage treasures and I'm always on the hunt for them! My hope is that this blog will be a constant scrapbook for my family and home,a place to make new friends and just somewhere to lay out my thoughts,even if they aren't beautiful or inspiring. XoXo-Nikki

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I woke up today. I felt like I had run a marathon in my sleep. And when I crossed the finish line someone beat me in the back with a metal bat. I got out of bed and my feet hurt with every excruciating step to the loo. I'm pretty used to this. I'm learning to endure everyday chronic physical pain. (I refuse to use that stupid 'spoon theory' though. It's kind of lame.)

What I can't endure is some of the ick going on around me. Ever feel responsible for someone else's actions? Being caught in the middle?  Raises hand. Yep, that's me right now. It's stressful, humiliating, eating at me. My physical pain doesn't make me want to curl up in a ball and hide but this mental anguish indeed does. I just want it to be over and I don't know what else to do.

I've been praying almost nonstop. I'm in such an uncomfortable place emotionally right now.
 I'm tired. So, so tired.

No comments: