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Pittsburgh, United States
35 Y/O wife to Tim and mom to Emma,Noah,Caleb, Stella and 2 babies in Heaven.Trying to walk in the path of the Lord and carrying my family with me. I love our 1902 home we purchased more 10 years ago. It is constantly evolving and goes through whatever changes my little heart desires. I love vintage treasures and I'm always on the hunt for them! My hope is that this blog will be a constant scrapbook for my family and home,a place to make new friends and just somewhere to lay out my thoughts,even if they aren't beautiful or inspiring. XoXo-Nikki

Monday, October 31, 2011

My place

I think for once I'm going to try linking up to Amy's Virtual Coffee...........Hmm.What to talk about?

Well,I'm still trying to figure out my place. I think that's why I love being home. I know my place here. I'm the mom. The wife.The Vice President. The cook.The maid. The one who complains about dirty socks on the floor and people leave lollipop sticks on the table.(Gross,I know.)

I don't work anymore.So I don't have somewhere to go to just talk.No co-workers to connect to. I really like the new church I started attending but something seems to be holding me back from going again.But I really want to go and to connect. I tried to know my neighbors but now it's cold and everyone seems to be shut in. I was thinking of making some pumpkin bread and dropping it off to a few neighbors.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.  ~Judy Garland

 I also want people to like me. I love meeting new people and I feel like I'm always hoping for their approval. I have a huge fear of rejection. But do I want them to like me? Or do I want them to like who I think they would like? Am I really my own person when I get so much inspiration from others?  I hope that when others see me that they are seeing the genuine me.Not me trying to dress or act like someone else. I don't ever want to fit into a stereotype or a mold.  I have flaws and I don't think I do well at hiding them. But I think I do a good job of trying to fix them and apologizing for them when they affect someone else. 

I also think when it comes to being a Christian I want to come off as real and genuine.I think I have a fear of sounding like a hypocrite. But then I remember that I am in fact flawed and imperfect and so is every single person who calls themselves a Christian! Isn't that a relief? I need to remember that when I'm feeling awkward and quite possibly judged. 


So this is my first link up to virtual coffee. It's really rambly and I still don't think I conveyed what was on my mind.But I suppose it's a good start.


Melodee said...

You've been awarded a Liebster award! Check it out!

Laura Bray said...

A thoughtful post. I find myself struggling with the same issues myself. Thanks for being brave and sharing.

Linda R. said...

I enjoyed reading your post.. And I do believe all of us have those type of thoughts from time to time..