Nikki

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Pittsburgh, United States
35 Y/O wife to Tim and mom to Emma,Noah,Caleb, Stella and 2 babies in Heaven.Trying to walk in the path of the Lord and carrying my family with me. I love our 1902 home we purchased more 10 years ago. It is constantly evolving and goes through whatever changes my little heart desires. I love vintage treasures and I'm always on the hunt for them! My hope is that this blog will be a constant scrapbook for my family and home,a place to make new friends and just somewhere to lay out my thoughts,even if they aren't beautiful or inspiring. XoXo-Nikki

Saturday, October 15, 2011

A letter to my Angels on Pregnancy and Infant loss day.

                                                          


Dear Riley and Adam,


Not a day goes by that Mommy doesn't think of you. Even though your little sister is here it doesn't erase the pain I felt when I found out that each of you were gone. Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day but I remember you both every day. I remember the excitement we felt the day we found out we were pregnant and that Caleb was going to be a big brother. Riley we lost you in June and Adam at the very end of August. It was the worst summer ever. I love you both so much and I know you will be looking down on your little sister with love as we celebrate her first birthday tomorrow. Mommy will meet you in Heaven one day.

Until Then with hugs and kisses...........love,
Mommy


*************

This day rolls around at such an odd time of year now. I celebrate the life of one child and mourn the other 2. Sometimes I feel like I have no right to mourn when I think of how my parents lost their grown child or how my friend/co-worker gave birth to her sweet baby girl sleeping. But I know for me-in my parenting experience,in my relationship with my husband- this was the hardest thing we have dealt with and the pain in my heart hurt. Really bad. I love them so and will never forget them. Having Stella does help but it doesn't undo what happened or who they were.

2 comments:

hannah singer said...

nikki, so glad you shared! sending you hugs.

and i am thankful for elijah, too. like you, he doesn't erase the pain, but he sure is a blessing in the midst!!

love you xo

Danna said...

Nikki, this is such a beautiful post. I am remembering with you your little ones today. Happy Birthday to Stella!

xoxo, Danna