Nikki

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Pittsburgh, United States
35 Y/O wife to Tim and mom to Emma,Noah,Caleb, Stella and 2 babies in Heaven.Trying to walk in the path of the Lord and carrying my family with me. I love our 1902 home we purchased more 10 years ago. It is constantly evolving and goes through whatever changes my little heart desires. I love vintage treasures and I'm always on the hunt for them! My hope is that this blog will be a constant scrapbook for my family and home,a place to make new friends and just somewhere to lay out my thoughts,even if they aren't beautiful or inspiring. XoXo-Nikki

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Never


Life with Stella has been wonderful. She is 2 months old already! She is a joy in our life. A bright spot in a very dark time in my life........

I have never typed this.....in fact the first time I said it out loud I couldn't believe I was saying it but here it is: My sister passed away. Ugh. Just reading it is so weird. It happened the day after Thanksgiving. She was 26. She was hilarious.She overcame battles in her life.She loved the Wizard of Oz.She has 2 wonderful kids.We hadn't talked in months.I never had regrets in my life until now.I have never hurt like this and I have never loved and appreciated my family more.

It doesn't help that Christmas is days away. It doesn't help that we are having below average temperatures and that it's dark by 5pm. But I think the thing I really hate the most out of all of this is the pain and sadness that my parents are experiencing. I seriously feel like I can feel my heart breaking into pieces when I see my Daddy break down or when my Mum tells me that she just can't shake this sadness. How does a family get through this? Will this break us or make us stronger?What is Christmas going to be like next weekend?

My husband has been amazing and totally there for me.And my friends! Wow, if I didn't know people loved us before I know it now.

I think about it all the time. Even if I'm doing something else it's like it's always there. It hits me all over again when I wake up in the morning. I feel weird doing normal every day things with the knowledge that she is not here to do those things.

What I do know is that my sister had faith in Jesus Christ. I take comfort knowing she is in Heaven.

She was beautiful........




2 comments:

Lucy said...

I am so terribly sorry to hear about your loss. My beloved daddy was killed in an accident 5 months ago today. I too have the feelings you describe. It's a sadness I've never known and it's changed me forever. Sometimes I can't believe it really happened.

I'm not going to tell you it gets better. Instead I'll tell you the truth, it becomes more manageable, not easier. Take comfort in your family and friends and know that you are loved.

Be well and take care of yourself.

Hill upon Hill said...

Oh I am so sorry.
I remember reading your blog just before you had Stella. Then this. What a shock to you all. I am sorry to risk commenting now, as you will read it in the next day or so and it will be pain again. I could not remain silent regarding this loss of yours though, I am sorry.