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Pittsburgh, United States
35 Y/O wife to Tim and mom to Emma,Noah,Caleb, Stella and 2 babies in Heaven.Trying to walk in the path of the Lord and carrying my family with me. I love our 1902 home we purchased more 10 years ago. It is constantly evolving and goes through whatever changes my little heart desires. I love vintage treasures and I'm always on the hunt for them! My hope is that this blog will be a constant scrapbook for my family and home,a place to make new friends and just somewhere to lay out my thoughts,even if they aren't beautiful or inspiring. XoXo-Nikki

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Well, I have that routine I wanted and it's great! I'm so excited to be back in the swing of homework and nightly dinners. I went to the first PTO meeting of the year last night. I had to talk myself into it but I went.

Tonight is the BES Potluck dinner. I'm making my super awesome homemade mac 'n cheese.Next week is Open House but it coincides with the first day of the Beth Moore Bible study I signed up for.Not sure what to do!

On Monday Tim and I are going to check out a Pregnancy-loss support group.I'm a little nervous.I'm not sure what to expect. I'm doing well. I mean I think I am. Thanks to my new friend named Zoloft. Not only is it keeping me from crying at the sight of any child under a year old but it seems to have curbed my appetite somewhat.

I'm not sure where to go from here. We obviously didn't mean to get pregnant right away after losing the other baby. But I was sure that the second pregnancy this year was meant to be after what we went through.It may have even been twins(long story!) We still don't know. I'm afraid to ask about the testing. I still have to call the dr.

I'm not sure if our dream of #4 will ever come true. I don't think I can emotionally handle another miscarriage. I do feel better having Jesus in my life. I don't think I could have gotten through this before.(Not to mention the thought of never knowing my Emma,Noah or Caleb makes me want to vomit.) I don't believe in birth control,so that is not an option. I'm not ready to make any permanent decisions. I thought I was while it was happening again and I'm somewhat glad I didn't.(Not that they'd even let me make that decision then.)

I'm so blessed to have people praying for us and helping us out. I'm so very Thankful too.

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