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Pittsburgh, United States
35 Y/O wife to Tim and mom to Emma,Noah,Caleb, Stella and 2 babies in Heaven.Trying to walk in the path of the Lord and carrying my family with me. I love our 1902 home we purchased more 10 years ago. It is constantly evolving and goes through whatever changes my little heart desires. I love vintage treasures and I'm always on the hunt for them! My hope is that this blog will be a constant scrapbook for my family and home,a place to make new friends and just somewhere to lay out my thoughts,even if they aren't beautiful or inspiring. XoXo-Nikki

Friday, June 26, 2009

One Week

One week since we lost the baby. I can not believe how much my heart aches. This little one was nearly a year in the making. Not sure what happened exactly. I was told they don't do genetic testing unless they are repeated. I hate not knowing if I'm mourning a son or a daughter.

I have not been working and Tim has been to work once since. We've been hanging around the house,watching the kids in the pool. Cooking out and basically regrouping as a family.

Noah took it the hardest. He literally wailed when we told him the new baby brother or sister was in Heaven.That was seriously heart wrenching.

Will we try again? That remains unseen. Will our family still grow? Absolutely! We are pretty sure adoption is in our future. Maybe not anytime soon but some day. We know quite a few families who have adopted children and they are such a blessing!

As for the question of trying again, I'm scared out of my mind but I know we can produce a healthy child because we've done it before right?

Once all the physical pain is gone (cramping- a constant reminder!) I can move on. I know I can.But I'll never forget.I have my kids, my husband and my God.I'll busy myself with projects and the fun of Summer. Before we know it school will start again with the promise of Fall. My favorite time of year. I'm looking forward to it already.

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